January 10, 2013: Unsubscribe

The draft e-mail that sits in my brain

I have a confession to make. When I get nasty e-mails or those with a negative or condescending tone, my knee jerk reaction is to fantasize on replying with the simple subject line "unsubscribe". No body in the e-mail. No words other than the word "unsubscribe" on the subject line. Yep, it crosses my mind and tempts me each time I receive a nastigram or e-annoyance.

An example of a nastigram (based on my own personal rule book) includes passive aggressive cyber behavior. This would include a person who can't communicate their frustrations in person, but instead writes a dissertation on the matter at hand. I learned a lesson early on in the world of e-mail and that is the lesson of permanent record. An e-mail is a permanent record. You can't take it back. Consider it published.

An example of an e-annoyance (based on own my list of personal pet peeves) would be unnecessary "reply to all" e-mails. When a coach sends out a reminder to twenty-five youth football parents, it is unnecessary for three of those parents to reply to the entire list of twenty-five informing them of their other family activities of the night or to affirm their little Johnny's desire to be at practice. Even worse is the ever fateful back to back "reply to all" on a "reply to all". Once Johnny's intentions are made known, four other parents then feel the need to add their obligatory "me, too" and "plan on us". I am now blessed with eight e-mails relating to one friendly coach reminder.

This is where I must confess. I want so badly after e-mail number five to simply send a "reply to all" that says nothing but unsubscribe. I am pretty sure this is how the Grinch felt when he gazed down at Whoville...so tempting to steal Christmas away from the people who mean no harm.

As for as the writers of the nastigrams, they actually do mean harm. That's why they pushed send. Although they deserve my devious unsubscribe response, I am pretty sure they wouldn't honor it anyway. I do believe many people drink when writing angry e-mails and thus the reason for their lack of focus and reflection. The misspelled words and repeated statements give them away too. So I will let it go. Just a little fantasy of mine. Feel free to use it if the opportunity presents itself. Sometimes I crack myself up thinking about it. A real life story would make my day.