September 14, 2018: #MeToo

Day 7 | 30 Days of Writing

Silence may be golden. It is definitely the easiest route, but I believe the better route is to have the courage to speak up. If voices aren't heard, positive change doesn't happen. I'm all about being an advocate for our new normal in society. A society where women aren't silenced on sexual harassment and assault, the old normal.

My main rationale in the past for not sharing my own #MeToo experience was because a majority of the men in my life have treated me well. Really well. My best advocates and mentors have been men. All perfect gentlemen. They believed in me and gave me the opportunities and advice to succeed.

I haven't wanted a #MeToo blog to cast a negative light on the many great men who are the opposite of #MeToo scum. But tonight I changed my mind. The tipping point was spending time with old friends along with my young niece, who has just begun her professional life.

I have yet to meet a woman my age who doesn't have a #MeToo story to share, either of herself or someone close to her. I honestly didn't believe the problem would ever go away in my lifetime. We women just knew the survival techniques to avoid the known perpetrators. It was just the way it was; fraternal good-old-boy clubs embracing sexist comments and harassment that were tolerated and rarely silenced.

This has been the life of my generation and the ones before me. At least until the #MeToo movement hit last October. In one year, some of the most powerful men in our country have gone down for their actions. I would have never believed if told prior that this was going to happen. Never. But it absolutely has and the momentum continues.

The power of our voice is incredible. The courage of the early women who stepped up and spoke up, knowing the impending backlash, is so admirable. Silence is much easier, but they chose the path of most resistence.

Following this courage, there are voices continuing to advocate for what is right, and my niece and her generation are taking back power. They have a voice and they will be heard rather than being powerless. It is a beautiful thing that started with a simple hashtag that resulted in a major movement of sharing our collective narratives of past experiences.

My personal story has long past and involved no physical abuse. It was sexual harassment and the resulting fall-out from my not accepting inappropriate advances made by a bullying male. My initial reaction was first of shock and then of blame. I blamed myself for 'mismanaging' the situation. He went on to threaten me and made my life miserable. I eventually silently walked away.

Like many other women who now share their past experiences, I felt that if I would have better managed the man, I could have avoided the situation. Basically I showed vulnerability and he responded quickly. So I felt that was my mistake. I was vulnerable.

Later I could see the manipulation patterns after hearing similar stories from many other women on the same man. Like me, they just walked a away and never looked back. And nothing ever changed.

Until #MeToo. Now everything has changed. I have great hope that my niece's life experience will be greatly different and for the better. People simply don't and won't tolerate sexual harassment. It has become the new social and professional faux pas. Every leader and HR executive has their eye closely on this issue, as they should.

So what happened to the guy who harassed me? I really haven't a clue. I believe it is likely his behavior has stopped purely because of societal (and legal) pressures. Yea for the right kind of peer pressure.

As I was writing this post, I was also texting back and forth with another twenty-something female professional. She is cut from the same cloth of my niece; strong, smart, motivated and a defender of all that is right, regardless of race or gender. And they will both use their voice when they see or experience injustice.

After sharing with her my blog subject, my young friend typed back with a comment that so perfectly and concisely summarizes my hope and optimism for the next generation.

"I'm glad things are changing because we are taking back our stories. I truly think the #MeToo movement is about taking back power. The power over our personal, professional, and cultural narrative."

Amen to that. Let's do this, ladies! And please, allow yourself to be vulnerable without worrying about ramifications.

(thanks to ALL the great men who positively influence with zero tolerance for those who don't)

#MeToo