September 12, 2018: My Favorite Blog Subject

Day 5 | 30 Days of Writing

My middle son, Ben, FaceTimed me today. He wanted to find out what I was doing for my birthday and when he could join in. Very sweet. It never crossed my mind that Ben would drive to Omaha on a busy weekday.

It also reminded me that he is the only one of my three kids with a driving distance day-trip option. I reminded him of this fact shortly after Grant moved to join brother, Zach, in Colorado.

"Ben, you do know that you are kind of like the only child now. And I'm a little vulnerable. If I were you, I would totally milk the situation."

I was trying to be funny, yet there was a bit of seriousness. It did sound appealing to have a child to dote on again. Not the right way to feel, but feelings aren't always right or wrong. They're just feelings.

Ben laughed it off and never gave in to my wicked temptation. The reality is that even if he wanted to, he couldn't. He has his own life and is very busy. But he has made a couple of surprise visits since at just the right time, and always representing the trio of brothers, not working for favorite child status.

Oh, how the times have changed. I was a blogging fiend through Ben's high school years. I would often respond to a blog post comments with "I have such great material with Benny Lane."

And that I did.

From his wearing younger (4 years, mind you) brother's pants to school to wearing Garrett's dress jeans to work to loving the game of football, every day was a new adventure. His brothers professed Ben as the favorite child. In reality, each had their turn in the spotlight with both of their mom and dad. I would argue it wasn't so much a favorite but the time period of life that needed the most attention.

When Ben left for college, a Skutt mom pulled me aside on Grant's back-to-school night and asked "What are you going to write about now with Ben gone? Your house has to be so quiet! I miss the Ben stories already."

I did too.

But then Grant and I moved on with our new normal and Ben with his. Grant and I had a great four years but with a different color commentary. Life was completely different with each of the three Lane boys. Same sense of humor and interests, but each requiring a different approach in parenting style.

With each child's departure post high school, there was an adjustment period and, selfishly, a tinge of sadness on my part. This was quickly offset by their sheer excitement of being on their own. With Grant it was a different feeling. I had no more kids left to refocus my energies.

People told me I would be blue for a couple of weeks and then as I eased into the empty-nesting, I would see how spectacular it is. And I am finally there.

Recently Garrett asked if I still missed the boys. He knew I had been battling the blues over the empty house thinking the obvious answer was that I missed them. But that wasn't the emotion that I truly felt. I don't want them back home and I'm excited for their new chapters. But it's the finality of ending the parenting era, the day-to-day parenting era. Its a big milestone.

I would best compare it to a big milestone birthday. Who isn't excited to have another year rather than the alternative? But there is some closure with saying good-bye to a decade and not really knowing what the next has in store. A little blue.

The positive is that I got the 50th milestone done last year. No double whammy this year. Garrett and I are footloose and fancy-free to celebrate the day away. And in the future days when I need a smile, I can always go back and re-read the Ben Lane HS years (and all the other old stories too).


Links to my three favorite Ben Lane stories are below:

The Odd Couple http://sandyalanedays.blogspot.com/2015/06/june-30-2015-odd-couple.html

Football 101 http://sandyalanedays.blogspot.com/2013/11/football-101.html

Mama's Boy http://sandyalanedays.blogspot.com/2014/08/august-23-1014-mamas-boy.html