February 7, 2013: B.L.

B.L. and Coach Martin

I think it is such a true statement that the impact of a person is not set by the number of years they have on this earth, but by the number of people they have touched in their lifetime. Bradley Layne Kracl (B.L.) died on July 29, 1989. He was twenty-three. Although his life was too short, he touched as many people as a man living to retirement.  B.L. had incredible presence and wit. His high sense of loyalty still remains with his family and those honored to be called his friend.

My story begins at the beginning of the 1986-87 school year. And it did not begin with B.L. and I as friends.  In fact, it was quite the opposite. B.L. and Scott came to Westmar College as new students that fall. They were high school buddies. I was starting my sophomore year and very familiar with the Schuyler High School crew of friends. Scott had taken a liking to me and began visiting me at my dorm.  But he didn't come alone. He would bring B.L. with him. They came as a team; kind of like group courting.

When B.L. and I met, we immediately didn't like each other.  B.L. was handsome and cocky. He knew he was handsome and didn't care that he was cocky. I thought he was full of himself and I am sure he had the same opinion of me. He liked to party. I liked to study. Needless to say, we did not start off with any mutual affection toward each other.

As Scott continued to visit me in Bonebrake Dorm, B.L. continued to be reluctantly at his side. B.L. never said much to me, but would sure stare me down in an effort to try to make me feel uncomfortable. I would, in turn, put my nose in the air and glare back when given the opportunity. Our relationship slowly moved from dislike to tolerating each other as it became apparent that Scott and I were an item. I wasn't going anywhere and neither was B.L. So by virtue of Scott, we were basically stuck with each other.

College life continued that first semester with B.L. and I at many of the same functions, but with interaction only when necessary. Christmas break came and went. Second semester brought a new work study position for me; Campus Accounting Tutor. Second semester also brought a new class in the fold for B.L.; Accounting 101. B.L. was a business major and found accounting to be very challenging. He told me later that although he was struggling, he couldn't drum up the courage to show up at the Accounting Lab where I tutored.

One day we (yes, the three of us) were hanging at the Student Union. When Scott got up to pick up his food order, B.L. blurted out to me, "Okay, I need help with accounting. Can you help me?"  I was taken aback. Mainly because he spoke to me, but more so because he was asking for help. He seemed incredibly uncomfortable. It was obvious that he didn't want to discuss this in front of Scott. "Sure," I answered. We quickly negotiated the terms and decided against the Accounting Lab office; instead opting to meet at my Aunt Barbara's house.

I was nannying my cousins for a week while my aunt and uncle were out of town. B.L. showed up after I put the kids to bed. We stayed up until two in the morning studying; starting with the basics of accounting to get him up to speed. He came back the next night and then the next. He was an attentive student. In return, I didn't talk down to him. We were a team trying to get him through this class together. He began with a failing grade, but after our initial crash tutoring and intermittent help throughout the semester, he ended with a B.

He was so excited (not a common emotion for B.L.) after he finished his final exam and later gave me the news. That same night when I went back to my room after a night of my own studying, I was greeted with a surprise. Outside my door was a carefully placed white teddy bear and a card. The card had a hand written note from B.L. thanking me for all of my accounting help and for my friendship.

I was shocked, but completely grateful for the sweet gesture. He and I really never talked about the gift. I tried to thank him once and he just gave me a grunt and looked away. I then knew that it wasn't necessary to give a thank-you for a thank-you...just accept it. That I did.

B.L and I were this very unlikely duo who somehow became friends. I quickly learned that I had misjudged him and I believe he felt the same about me. This confident guy with burly good looks was really a teddy bear himself; sensitive, sweet and not wanting anyone to see that he was human with weaknesses like the rest of us. I was now one of B.L.'s friends and part of a large group of people who felt the warmth of his personality and kind spirit.

His death still doesn't feel real to me.  I think a big part of this was B.L.'s larger than life spirit while he was alive. He was a guy who always brought energy with him; where ever he went. Those who knew him know exactly what I am saying. You felt it in his presence.

The teddy bear and card went missing between house moves many years ago. I remember re-reading the card and deciding to put it in a safe place, so not to lose it. After forgetting this act, I later couldn't remember the safe place. I haven't seen it since.

I think about B.L. often and feel his presence in my life still today. I do believe that one day I will receive a Godwink when that card will mysteriously reappear. Someday...but until then, I am just thankful that accounting wasn't B.L.'s thing. I cherish the friendship that didn't seem meant to be.