October 12, 2018: Life is a Collection of Memories

The Russ & Cookie Lane table

(left to right - Big Russ, Kori, Scott, Bryan, Cookie, Amy, Tricia, Sandy)

Today I went to a funeral. Rather, a celebration of life. And that it was, in so many ways.

Uncle Bob Gillen passed away. He was my ex-husband's uncle on the Lane side. I have enjoyed Bob's big, vibrant personality at Lane family gatherings over my many years as part of the Lane tribe. I have always treasured the Lane family from Scott's siblings up to his grandma, Lucille Lane Coschka, to all the parents, aunts, uncles and cousins in between.

After receiving a text telling me about Uncle Bob and then getting over the initial shock of his passing, I made sure to clear my schedule to attend the funeral ceremony. Aunt Marilyn (Lane) Gillen and Uncle Bob are salt of the earth people. Always wonderful to me, pre and post-divorce.

Walking into the funeral home solo, I was directed by Bob's daughter-in-law to the Lane clan taking up their own church pew. A part of my heart warmed instantly, feeling included into the family upon my arrival. Without hesitation, Cookie (my former mother-in-law) with her husband and five of her children sitting to her right, made room for me in the pew. No one thought twice about it, including my ex-husband.

The Lane's have never made me feel like an outsider, always treating me like one of their own. No different than when I was first introduced to the big, gregarious family in 1986. Today we shared a laughed at the luncheon on my introduction to Big Russ (dad) in the Westmar College dorm hallway. He immediately told me an inappropriate joke. Those who know Russ, know this is a common occurrence.

I was a mere nineteen years old and was trying to decide how to best respond. Was this some sort of a test? I chose to laugh. It really was funny and it didn't take me long to figure out that there was no game-playing involved with this family. What you saw was what you got and the corresponding warmth and friendliness suited me just fine.

Our luncheon table conversation today weaved around stories of old to those catching us up on the new. Extended Lane family and cousins joined our table conversation throughout, with our sharing of memories expanding. We laughed. We loved. A celebration of Uncle Bob's life and our own, memories and lives intertwining.

My last name still remains Lane. I never changed it back to my maiden, Wagner, post-divorce. With my kids' last name Lane and my professional identity of Sandy Lane for close to twenty years, the decision was easy. It was simply easier to keep it the same.

And then I remarried. My running joke to my husband, Garrett, was that once his ex-wife gave up his last name, I would take it. The reality was that staying a Lane continues to be my path of least resistance. Especially with my husband not caring either way. So it continues. After 23 years a Wagner, I am now on 29 years a Lane. And that's perfectly fine with me.

At the service Uncle Bob's son, Sean, talked about his dad by describing the pertinent memories and pieces of life that collectively told Bob's story. Sean so perfectly described life as a collection of memories. He, along with his brother and family friends, shared many stories of Bob's music, humor, baseball, coaching, love for arts and role as grandfather to tell the story of Bob's life.

When it comes down to it, that is truly the summary of life. It's a collection of all of our memories knitted together over our life span. Memories full of people and places and things. The more powerful the moment, the more rich the memory. And the power in the moment doesn't mean it has to be life-changing, it just needs to be life moving; the power of a shared belly laugh or the bright tingle of a tender touch. The joyful feeling of the wins and disappointments of the losses, big and small.

Today I feel grateful. I have lots of gratitude to be part of many wonderful Lane family memories while still allowed to be a part of the new. It was wonderful celebrating Uncle Bob and hearing the many moments that shaped him. A great man with a lasting legacy. His celebration paid it forward, giving us a new piece of shared life, a memory to add to our own collection.

(some favorite pics of Uncle Bob shared at the luncheon)