August 31, 2019: My Fat Journal (Part 1)

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April 21, 2019

I’m fat.

There, I said it out loud. And I actually feel a lot better now.

I can't sugarcoat the situation or convince myself it’s not a big deal. It's my reality. I weigh 158. My Apple scale is accurate. This is my number.

Ugh.

The picture that pushed me over the edge.
I thought I looked good and was shocked when I saw I did not.

Grant, my ‘baby’, turned 19 years old a week ago today. All three of my kids were born in April. As we celebrated the birth of the youngest, I was overwhelmed with memories on how I felt post-birthing all those many years ago.

Rocking tiny sleeping infants while enjoying outdoor views of the freshness of spring. Blooming tulips, flowering and colorful trees, and first glimpses of long-awaited green grass filled my emotional eye.

Every rock of the baby was filled with breasts bursting out of my nursing bra ready for upcoming feedings. My extra layers of fat became obvious to me with the baby now laying on the outside of my body. My own baby fat.

Each birth produced the same post-baby body for me and with varying spans of months, I was always able to take off the extra weight and get down to my standard number of 134.

This is my number. Anything plus or minus 4 pounds of this is my ‘safe zone’. Once I tip lower or higher, it is noticeable and not ideal. Only twice can I remember going in the low zone. Both times, interested parties told me I needed to watch my weight loss. The plus zone has happened many times in my lifetime outside of childbirth, and I can feel it the minute it happens.

Most people say weight is just a number and doesn’t matter. That may be true for most, but for me, it has been a good estimate of where I am on the healthy scale. This 134-mark has held true for me from the time I was around twenty, reaching my full adulthood in height and puberty. I was always blessed with a chest needing support and legs worthy of a stout weightlifter, making my 134 specific to me and not necessarily following the many height/weight charts widely published.

Like my memory for the clothes I wore at my life milestones, I can equally recite my weight at key points in time as well:

Weight when I started college – 127

Weight when I finished my first year in college – 150

Weight when I started my second year in college – 134

Weight on my wedding day (1^st marriage) – 134

Weight one month after each of three childbirths – 160ish

Weight 6 months after each childbirth – 134 zone

Weight when I ran my first marathon - 142

Weight when I filed for divorce – 127

Weight when I met my second husband – 134

Weight on my 2^nd wedding day – 144

Weight today – 158

Sherlock, I see a pattern.

With reminders from today’s Boise tree blooms and the winks of the tulips, it is time for this mama to get back to her good zone weight.

I have packed on the baby fat and feel it with every picture taken, step walked or run, and every motion that seems to jiggle my extra weight. I can’t pretend it away nor will my middle-age metabolism allow me to do little to nothing to get back into my post-baby weight of past.

Shit needs to get serious.

There, I went to my own confessional of sorts on Easter Sunday. I am Sandy Lane and I am overweight AND I don’t want to be. The real journey begins, and this is My Fat Journal.

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May 8, 2019

My Fat Journal continues. No big change from my last entry other than improved attempts at eating better and moving more with little in the results category.

The story of my life (at least over the last few years).

Today I received a PayPal notification that Noom, my latest weight loss tool, charged my account for another 4-month stint. What did I gain over the last 4-month period? The answer is pretty clear to me. Absolutely nothing.

Whose fault is this? Me, myself and Irene. Okay, not Irene. Just me.

So let’s go through all of my attempts at weight loss over the last four years. I am using four years as a barometer as this is my best estimate of when I exceeded the 140 zone into my now normal 150’s.

Here is what comes top on mind and the list is, unfortunately, long:

·      I have signed up for 3 Lifetime 60-day challenges.

·      And this last Feb, a 60-day Idaho Fitness Factory Challenge (I never did final weigh in)

·      Hired two trainers. One with gym dates and the other on-line.

·      Sign-up to a Weight Watchers membership with meetings.

·      Noom membership (now on second run).

Then there were the many hard timeline goals. By the time Grant’s senior football season hit, I was going to fit into the jeans I left on display in my closet with cute “game day” t-shirt and green chucks. Nothing.

I was going to be swimsuit ready by the May 2018 Mexico trip. Nope.

I was going to lose 5 pounds on a few different occasions while Garrett was gone for extended periods and surprise him with my change when he got back. Never happened.

If I keep thinking about it, I will likely remember other ‘challenges’ I put in front of myself that I never put in much of an effort and got the result that goes hand in hand with low level of effort.

Thus, today I am still fat.

This picture showed up in my Timehop yesterday.  I love that dress and wanted to look better in it. Yet another year has gone by and I have made no progress.

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June 12, 2019

Garrett is a year older, 54, and I am still fat. Yesterday I bought new running shoes so I started focusing on running again. That has been my tried and true path to weight loss historically, so I am up for the challenge. Time to move on past the shuffle mode.

   

Running has always been my juice to squeeze off the extra pounds. From my 2-mile route in Remsen to my route in the old Woodhaven neighborhood in Omaha post-baby-births.

I am fighting anemia (getting old stinks), but back on iron so hoping to enjoy running progress as the little iron tablets start kicking in. Running is a great mental strategy for me. I finished my 3-mile run (I walked .25 at 1.5-mile mark) running down an alley to home, just like my teenage days in the 80's. I used to sprint in Remsen. My day will come in Boise. Forward steps!

Weight today 157.1 (I have lost and gained back and forth over the last month)

Sandy at 51…let’s do this before 52! Time is a wastin’! (as I notice fat pouring out of my bra)

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August 14, 2019 

Note Zeke looking on, resting after our run

I now weigh 148. Seriously! What took me so long, you ask? Ha. Great question without a good answer.

I have been consistently into the 140’s for a week now and I FEEL GREAT!!!

Combo of Keto diet, lots of exercise, and needed determination is what finally got me over the hump.

My Keto of today was the Atkins in the 90’s. I’ve done them both. How I would best describe my diet change is that I am not eating potatoes, bread, rice, sweets or processed food. No, I’m not going through drive-thru’s eating bun-less burgers (I guess I did once). I cook/prepare 90% of what goes in my mouth and eat mostly proteins, cheeses, eggs, non-starchy veggies.

I am not here to debate diets. As my dear friend, Kristi, explains…it is whatever motivates you to stick to something that can take off the pounds. And note she is a Doctor of Nutrition and the one who ultimately motivated me to try this diet.

Not having a car is an excellent means for me to log in tons of miles of walking and riding my bike. This is how I get from point A to point B. Every. Day. Garrett often gives me a hard time that I walk the dog too much (seriously, can a dog be walked too much??). We average about 8 miles of dog walking/running a day. I just have to watch the temp and time of day with my furry companion. Heat is not his friend. Personally, I like the extra sweat release.

My liquid intake is pretty much restricted to coffee in the morning, water all day (lots of sparkling), and wine (oh yes, typically) at night. Nothing in excess, just some guilty pleasure to keep me going.

A favorite phrase of mine in reference to food is that “I have never met a chip I didn’t like”. They are my irresistible sinful craving. To my husband’s complete dismay (with many high fives), I have not so much as nibbled on a chip, cracker, or any potato product since 7/4/19. A record for me! Who says Discipline is not in my Top 5 Strengths??

Alright I will close out the journal to say, it’s only onward and downward from here.

Peace out! I feel great and I love being able to fit into the cute clothes again.

(oh, and did I mention…pockets and zippers are back in my wardrobe!! No more all stretch and elastic waistbands. Just like the old days of settling with constant stirrup pants. No more! Fitted shorts…glorious!)

Note arrow pointing proudly pointing to my pockets!

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August 30, 2019

Benny :)

My fat journal continues, but the direction of my chubbiness is going the right way. I have successful stayed in the 140’s for two weeks. And like I did when I tried to get rid of the last of my postpartum baby fat, I have been doing my daily 2-mile run (we are working back up to standard!). The only difference is that instead of a baby in tow via baby runner, by my side is my puppy, Zeke.

We have a route through the  Boise North End that we faithfully run. Every day is progress. Each day we shave a little off of our time and some days we add a little more to our mileage. Just like the enjoyment of the laughing and kicking of my baby companions, Zeke is now my sniffing and happily trotting sidekick. We look forward to our runs. Most days he and I now collectively put in 10 miles of walk+run mileage.

A win-win-win….happy dog, his shrinking mom, and lovely August days in the beautiful scenery of Hyde Park.

Sooooo close to my halfway point and the close out of this first part of my fat journal blog. Hoping to be back for an announcement tomorrow!

My new running companion, Zeke

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August 31, 2019

Halfway there and can now post My Fat Journal (Part 1)

My number - 146

Part II to follow soon!!!

The moral of my story to date: An inert object doesn't move. My number wasn't going to budge until I decided it was time to move it AND put the hard work into my desired change.

Heck yes!!!!!