November 2, 2018: Out With the Old, In With the New

Ben getting a haircut in the backyard of our first home
(Little Tykes toys, long gone...Grandma's homemade jammies, some kept in basement storage)

Today I drove by my old house. Really old, as we haven't lived there in eighteen years. There wasn't any one thing that motivated me to do this, other than a recent sentiment of touching pieces of my past as I look to the future.

I often think back to a parting conversation I had with my divorce attorney. It was a remark he said in passing, one that typically would have slipped my memory quickly. But ten years has passed and his words are burned in my brain.

"You will remarry and be happy. I am sure of it. You're a traditionalist and will find your happy home again."

I have often wondered which of my behaviors deemed me a traditionalist and not a trendsetter in his mind. Why conventional was seen as my future and not edgy? Did I ultimately fulfill this prediction? On the surface, one could say no. But in reality, I think he nailed it.

My life over the last ten years has appeared anything but traditional. A long-distance relationship turned marriage that included commuting from two homes 550 miles apart. My changing careers and abandoning a seemingly comfortable path in corporate Americas to one of uncertainty and ultimately as my own boss.

But that is my life. Glorious and full of adventure and great relationships.

As I end my 30th year as a resident of Omaha, Nebraska, I find myself looking forward to a new city and a new chapter. Most people respond to this upcoming change with looks of puzzlement, frequently asking Why would you leave Omaha? I guess my answer is Why wouldn't I?

My first twenty 22 years were in Iowa followed by 30 years in Nebraska. I am now on Year 30 of adulting, with no kids left in Omaha and a husband who longs for the mountains. I am eager for going new as I slowly close out the pieces of my past. We are in no rush, I continue to tell Garrett. No gun to our head and with our only push, our own desires.

Moving on to a new chapter in life is not an easy thing. Garrett's dad, Larry, often talks to me about his next chapter. For him it's the one that goes with getting older and moving out of your home before someone makes the decision for you.

A big desire of Larry's is to go through his household items one at a time as we decide on their next home. He cringes at the thought of someone throwing it all in a garbage bin when he is gone. It isn't about him not wanting to get rid of stuff. It's about remembering the moments through these links to the past and sharing the stories around his treasures on his time.

I totally get Larry's mentality. Directing your path while processing life changes allows you to create your own story. This many times means rehashing past chapters while developing the future ones. I believe a home does have a heartbeat and every collected piece of memorabilia reflects a time or part of life that we cherish.

As I mentally change my mindset to new chapter mode, I find my sentimental side shining through. At heart, I am absolutely a traditionalist. I savor the memories and shining moments. I love being married and sharing daily routines and joint dreams with my husband. The role of being a mom has always been a comfortable fit was for me. Feeling perfectly suited to raise boys, we had a ton of fun over the years. I cherish the sense of family; immediate and extended.

With every passing day, I find a little piece of the past to rehash and create a bit of closure. For the many lasts, there are equally as many traditions that will continue with new ones to come.

As for the old house, it looked a little lifeless to me. Blame it on the clouds and the barren tree in the front yard, now rid of it's leaves. But the house lacked little Lane boys driving their motorized cars through the grass with no background symphony of giggles and tiny voices from neighbor kids. It remains a house, but is no longer my family's home.

I will leave it to my mind's memory to savor the many happy times of past days, with collected photos over the years to help trigger my recollections. I guess I will always be a traditionalist at heart, just one who doesn't resist change. Instead I cherish the past. That sounds just about right. I'm glad my attorney's prediction was correct.

Great memories in our first house
(homemade Thomas the Tank and bib overalls are long gone)