November 24, 2017: Losing to Win
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| A ride for Lucy, post-walk |
I met him once. About four years ago. After a big playoff win for my son's high school team, I found myself sitting next to Mr. Shatel at a local bar. I struck up a conversation. To say that he was visibly annoyed would be a gracious description.
Knowing he was likely bothered many times by people who wanted to talk sports and share their opinions, I gave him the benefit of the doubt in his response to me. So instead I scrolled through my phone as I waited for my order. And that was about it. "That one time I met Tom Shatel at the bar."
Fast forward to today. As I have perused the OWH headlines in my news feed, I often see highlighted stories by Shatel. I typically scroll past them. Holding a quiet opinion of him as a 'guy's guy' who talks to exhaustion about everything sports, but without a clue on the real world, I would be considered 'judgy' by my children.
But today was different. I decided to read his column on Mike Riley, Nebraska's current losing coach. I found myself pleasantly surprised, both agreeing with Tom Shatel's words and appreciating his prose. Rather than the typical venomous rhetoric that typically follows public opinion on 'all for winning' and 'being great', Tom dug deeper. I found his opinion to be a very fair assessment of the situation.
My dog-walking mind continued to wander on the merits of winning vs. losing and I found myself remembering another story of past.
"That time I met the former Nebraska football player at the bar."
This go-around was more recent. And like the Shatel encounter, this one also involved me waiting for a carryout order while waiting at a bar. Minding my own business (hmmmmm....), I listened to a conversation between the two men beside me. One was a former Nebraska football player and the other, his college friend in town on a visit.
Scrolling through my phone, I listened to them lament over the current state of their beloved Husker nation. They quoted Jason Peter from his recent talk show on the Big Red troubles. Then they continued on a heated conversation about their own kids and how 'the next generation' didn't have the perceived drive they once had.
Still waiting for my order, I could no longer resist my temptation of joining in with my two cents.
"It's because they don't know how to lose."
Both men turned and looked at me, eyebrows raised. So I went on.
"You need to know how to lose to truly want to win. We've raised kids who we don't allow to lose."
The East Coast guy looked at me, nodding his head in agreement.
"I never thought about it that way. You are exactly right."
We went on to talk about participation ribbons and how parents start their own team when little Billy didn't make the team he desired. Kids are shuffled between schools and coaches to make sure 'they win'. As parents, we have shielded our kids from rejection and adversity. This mentality is now biting us in the butt.
And it isn't just sports. It's academics, social circles, dance, extracurriculars... The list goes on and on. Write checks with no ceiling and influence situations at all costs to spare the child. Now we wrestle with a generation who don't really know how to lose, or more importantly, how to rise above life loses on their own to gain that savored success. The win.
You have to lose to know how to win.
The biggest wins in my life happened after I fell flat on my face. Rejection, failure, loss. Some were self-inflicted and some were just simply unfair. But life is unfair. Regardless of the nature of the loss, I will never forget them. They helped me in avoiding mistake-making re-do's and have given me drive in my belly to rise above. I want the win.
And, yes, wins come from hard work, desire, and a winning attitude. Understood. But a winning attitude does not allow a bye to lack of integrity, humility, or team effort.
There are basic life rules that we sometimes overthink and over-debate in our quest for the 'wins' and 'being great again'. Let's always remember the golden rules of being a good person and that allowing someone to lose has its place. Painful, yes, but wins aren't taken for granted after you have tasted the bitterness of loss.
And let's just be real on one thing. There are leaders to be found who can bring greatness while still being good human beings. Basic 'good people' traits should never be sacrificed nor should we make excuses to the contrary. The good guys are out there who can bring us the wins. And I bet these same guys have had their own share of losses.
Just my two cents.
I'm just the mom. Not a lot of knowledge in the x's and o's, but that life lesson thing....it really does go far.
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