April 24, 2014: Confessions


I have a confession to make. But before the confession, I need to preface the setting of my declaration.

Tonight was date night. With date night, typically comes margaritas. And with our Thursday night margaritas, we are almost always at our favorite hang out, Roja. And at our favorite hang out, we typically run into people we know.

Tonight was no exception.

Walking out of Roja, we ran into Ben's previous girlfriend's mother. It was nice to see her, as she and I broke bread on many occasions over our children's three year courtship. She commented on the positive feedback she heard on Ben's Senior Studies presentation. And then she noted a comment from her daughter on omission of Ben's family in support of his very important presentation.

I had no rebuttal or excuses. There was no doubt I wasn't there. And with no good reason.

I went on to explain that Ben didn't want me there. He and I discussed and decided it best that I not go as I would be too nervous.

"Mom, you'll be nervous and that will make me nervous. I don't think you should come." was Ben's rationale on my potential attendance. I couldn't disagree. Guilty as charged.

You see, I have a track record.

Confession time.

For all the glorious pictures I posted and shared on my son's State Football Championship win last fall and with all the comments and kind notes that poured in...

The reality is that I only watched less than half the game. Yep, true story.

I was a nervous wreck and convinced myself that I personally held bad karma in the stands. So I banished myself to the concession area and the public restrooms. Yes, I literally spent an entire quarter in a bathroom in Memorial Stadium, sick to my stomach.

Ben had a big interception in the first quarter of the game. I found out via text from Garrett in Denver while I sat with eyes closed in a bathroom stall. Garrett was appalled that I was missing out.

"Get out of the bathroom and watch the game!!!!" was his text back to me.

But I couldn't do it. I would mess up the karma. So I hung out with the concession people and spent a considerable amount of time in the public restrooms. Until the lead was enough that I felt it was safe. Only then did I join the Skutt section in the stands. And then we won.

You are welcome, Skutt Catholic, for my contribution to the good karma to the game. <whew>

Ironically, little makes me personally nervous in life situations. That is, when they involve myself. The last time I remember having butterflies in relation to my own achievements were the seconds before the gun went off before the the start of 4 X 440 relay, my senior year of high school. I was the third leg.

Fast forward, twenty years later, and my boys' events bring me to my knees. A true confession. And I really don't know what to say. I would hope that I would get better, but I doubt it. I am sure I will have nerves on their first day at work at their first real job and feel the butterflies as they walk down the aisle on their wedding day. I am at a loss on how to make this feeling go away.

Maybe the win is just to show up and get my butt out of the bathroom.

Margaritas bring confessions. There you have it. Today is a new day and I will use it as self-discovery in knowing that the championship game would have been better watched from the stands. Lesson learned. I will try harder next time.....

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