Tales of the Ordinary Days

Headline banner to the paper in the fall of 2013 before Ben's shenanigans (and for our use in life lesson training for him) It's been over ten years since my divorce. When I recently thought of this milestone, I was doubting my mental math. Has it really been that long? Then I remembered the faces of our three young sons at that critical point in time. Comparatively to their 19, 23, 26 year-old selves today, I know this timeline to be true. I vividly remember picking up our youngest two from grade school on the day I filed. I was pretty sure they hadn't a clue on the news I was going to deliver. My intuition was correct. I painfully watched as they both broke into sobs following my disclosure. Grant simply cried, while twelve-year-old Ben pleaded with me. "Will Dad still be your best friend??" It seemed like such an odd thing for my young son to say at the time. And it has probably taken these past ten years for me to fully appreciate what he saw in his...

Day 9 | 30 Days of Writing In my Day 7 blog  September 15, 2018 Blog Post , I promised the play-by-play of our beloved 2009 Road Trip. I have been planning for years to write about this favorite adventure and had asked my mom a few years back to send me her memories as well. Nine years later, here are the tidbits of both my mom and my recollections. I don't remember every detail, but the one thing I do remember is that we laughed, a lot. Day One - 7/5/2009 - Las Vegas, NV Mom : <she provided no comment on this day, so assume had nothing of note to contribute> Me : I flew into the Las Vegas airport and we stayed with brother Mark and his family who were living in Henderson, NV at the time. After a good night's sleep, we started our adventure the next morning. [Sidebar: I really have no recollection of getting picked up at the airport or getting up the next morning, but assumed it did happen.] Day Two - 7/6/2009 - Northward through Nevada and Eastern Oregon to ...

Day 8 | 30 Days of Writing Day One of the Summer Road Trip of 2009 (our launch lunch in LV before Mom, Dad and I headed north - note atlas in the background) A week from today, we will be taking off for a two-week road trip. With our dog, Zeke, and my father-in-law, Larry, in tow, we will start a two-week adventure. I couldn't be more excited. My last true road trips, taking in the beauty of the US for an extended period, was in the summers of 2009 and 2010. And they were glorious. The circumstances were completely different, but I am hopeful that the outcome will be the same; enjoying the company of the ones I love while taking in the precious moments in life that collectively make the best memories. 2009 was a rough year for me. Technically divorced in all ways except the paperwork wasn't completed. There was a parenting plan dictated by the same courts in charge of the pending paperwork that including a month in the summer that the boys stayed with their dad rath...

My green 'Game Day' shirt was befitting of Grant's graduation party prep So Baby has graduated. Yes, it is true. The last Lane boy birdie to leave the nest. And the weekend has been nothing short of a whirlwind of events, from baccalaureate to party to commencement. All in about a 24 hour span. After we closed the final night of festivities with a celebratory beer and wings with our extended clan, I finally laid in our comfy bed ready for some well needed rest. Carefully reflecting on our weekend of chaos in our soft quiet, Garrett asked how I felt. He knew how much I was looking forward to this milestone for Grant and for me. "What was your favorite part of the weekend?" he asked. Without hesitation, I knew my answer. "Definitely the setting up for the party with Scott, Kat, and the boys. That was definitely the best." Garrett probed further, as I am sure he thought the beer and exhaustion had an undue influence on me. "Really? How...

A week ago I met with an attorney friend of mine. We were discussing a recent case he was working on involving a divorce. As he talked about the family, it was clear that the mother had no respect for the father or the father's role as one of the children's parents. She saw herself as the savior. The only. No plural in parenting in their case. It was an 'either - or'. As we conversed, the attorney who was both married and a father, looked at me and asked me a very pointed question. "Sandy, what do you think about this as a mom? Did you feel like you were the better parent and that your kids only needed you?" Taken off guard by his candidness, I initially wanted to spotlight my ways of being a great co-parent and my ex and I being outside the norm of divorced parents. A pat on the back lingered in my mind. But instead I spoke the truth. "Initially I definitely thought I was the better parent. That my kids couldn't survive without me. And then...

In early 2009 my company won the "Young Professionals Choice Award". The timing of this award corresponded with a life-changing time for me. I was just a few raw months into my divorce. The particular day of receiving word of the award started with an e-mail blast to our office proudly announcing our company's recognition of this honor. It gave me a bit of a smile and some added pep on a bleak Nebraska winter morning. As I went about my day during the busyness of tax season, one of my partners popped his head into my office. “Hey, do you think you could give our acceptance speech at the award luncheon next week?” "Hmmm,” I thought. I sure didn’t see this coming. As he looked at me while asking the question, there was no doubt what I saw in his eyes. It was a look I had become quite accustomed to seeing during that time in my life. It was the look of sympathy. I have never understood the value of a palm reading when you can see everything in a person’s e...

Grant and I...Easter dinner at the Outback This morning I vividly remembered back to an Easter six years ago. I hadn't thought about this for some time. But somehow this seemingly forgotten memory resurrected itself.  Easter weekend was tough that year. Thus why I have likely tried to forget. But with each passing year, I see this journey as a lesson and the tough times, ultimately a blessing. My finding a family video labeled "Christmas 2008" probably stirred this memory. Christmas Day of 2008 was just two weeks after our filing for divorce. The news was an unpleasant surprise to our three boys. Still in shock, this was our first post-divorce holiday with my attempting to create normalcy as a 'new kind of family'. Their dad and I were continuing holiday traditions; trying to keep intact our cherished Christmas morning of opening gifts. As I viewed the abandoned video footage on my computer, Garrett watched over my shoulder. What I thought w...

Summer of 2008 ~ before the pool was drained Today as we drove home from the kids' various sporting events, Jake noticed that the neighborhood pool had a vacant parking lot. He asked if it was closed or opened, as he noticed there was water still in the pool. "They probably haven't drained the pool yet" was Garrett's answer. Although this answer was full of father logic and small talk; unknowing to the others in the car, it struck a nerve with me. A similar comment was made to me six years ago at the close of summer that year. The timing was sometime around Labor Day as this typically corresponds with annual pool draining. "They've got to have that damn pool drained by now" was the comment. And I'll never forget it. My kind counselor had tried using typical professional jargon in attempts to convince me to move on during that fateful summer. I wasn't following his good advice. In exasperation, he made this side comment. His ...